If you're talking about a used car...then, absolutely! Yes! Please do!
If you're talking about a potential spouse...then the answer is, "Are you kidding me?!"
I think this is one area that the hook-up/shack-up culture has missed the mark on. In an age of "swipe right" and "netflix and chill," we've taken God's beautiful design for relationships and we've perverted it into something that's designed to make us happy more than it is to make us holy. When I got married, I thought that marriage would be the silver bullet that made me happy. And, for the most part it did, and it does. But I had a lot to learn, because I very quickly discovered that marriage would be a thing that God used in my life to make me holy, or in other terms, to make my life look more like Jesus' life.
So, at the risk of sounding old-fashioned and out of touch, here are two big reasons that a follower of Jesus should not "try it before you buy it."
NOTE: For those of you who are still confused at what "try it before you buy it" means, essentially it's a catch all phrase for taking another person for a "test drive" before committing to a relationship. It includes, but is not limited to, sleeping together, living together, vacationing together, buying a car or house together, etc.
1. Sex outside of marriage is always wrong.
In a recent blog I wrote, I already covered the New Testament teaching regarding pre-marital sex. Read that blog here. Since you can check out the Scriptures that I listed over there, I'll keep this point short and simple...God designed sex to be an amazing gift that is within the boundaries of a marriage relationship. Like a fire in a fireplace, it's awesome. Just make sure the fire stays within the fireplace. When a couch or rug catches on fire, that's always a bad thing. Yet, this is only a symptom of something much deeper...
2. It trades a covenant for a contract.
A contract is a legal document that two parties sign in order to protect their own interests in a business deal. Let's pretend that I want to start a business, but in order for that business to be successful, I have to lease equipment. The guy (or gal) who owns the equipment needs to make sure that I am going to use the equipment properly and make my lease payments on time so that they don't lose money. So, a contract is drawn up and we both sign on the dotted line. If they don't hold up their end of the agreement, I am protected and I can walk away from the deal with absolutely no ramifications (or even be compensated for loss in most cases). And vice versa.
But here's the trouble with that: God works in the realm of covenants, not contracts.
In the beginning, God created humanity with the full knowledge that they would sin. It would happen - they would spit in his celestial face and do things their own way. But God did not give up on them. Rather than casting them off and wiping his hands of the whole created order, He entered into the mess. He gave them clothing (although there were consequences of sin), and he began executing the plan of redemption that he foreknew he would have to conceive. Literally, He entered into the mess and paid the death penalty that sin demanded.
He further created covenants with people and nations in the Bible. He made covenants with Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, and Jesus' followers in the New Covenant. Here's the difference between a covenant and a contract: A contract is out to protect me - A covenant is out to bless you. See, with a contract, I have a way out if you screw up. With a covenant, I expect you to not be perfect, but it's focused on you and your good - I exist to make your life better than it could be without me. If you walk away, I'm chasing after you. If you mess up, I give grace and forgiveness and we try again.
The "try it before you buy it" idea exists within the reality that I have to protect myself. And certainly, if you're that self-centered, it makes sense why you would go there. But, if you're a Christian, you're called to a different model of life. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others as more significant than yourselves." This is not just a prescription for a relationship with a significant other - it's a prescription for all human relationships. God calls his people to operate within covenants, not contracts.
When you take a step of faith and you say, "I am going to let love win over self," and you enter into a covenant with someone, you're agreeing with them that God's way of relationships is better.
Final Thoughts:
If you're a Christian, the pathway to peace in blessing is through obedience to Jesus. You have the freedom to do whatever you want with your life - to live it however you want. But there has to come a point where you stop running and surrender your ways to Jesus. I encourage you that today can be that day. It's going to require a radical shift in your thinking before you can experience the joy that comes with a covenant. It might not make you happy at the time - but trust me, it will make you holy.
